It is a Learning Process

Now that I am feeling better, I find myself wanting to get out of the house more often. Obviously this is a good thing for my mental stability, but it also invites fun, new challenges to my new world.

Yesterday morning, I took my walk around the neighborhood, came home and jumped in the shower then got dressed and made my breakfast. I was going to make chorizo and eggs, but by the time I got around to breakfast, I was so hungry I just wanted to make something quick so I poured 8 ounces of Fairlife chocolate milk (140 calories/13g protein and lactose free), 1/2 of a banana, and a scoop of Genepro protein powder (an additional 30g of protein, though there is some controversy over whether those claims are true) into my NutriBullet and made my own “smoothie”. Unfortunately, whenever I’ve blended my milk in a blender or NutriBullet it makes it very frothy, which I do not like, but I drank it anyway because I was hungry and my girls and I were going out to run errands, so I needed to “eat”.

Here’s the thing about having a very small stomach, you cannot eat a lot so you need to eat often, at least five times a day, to get the calories and nutrients that you require. Unfortunately, I did not pack a snack to take with me so by the time we finished our first errand I was hungry again, and even more unfortunate, no-one else was hungry so I decided to wait until we got home to eat again. We had stopped at the grocery store to pick up the fixings for Taco Tuesday and I grabbed a two pack of chicken enchiladas from the deli to eat when I got home. I thought I was being smart in choosing the  chicken enchiladas, because I figured the chicken and beans would be high in protein, plus I knew that I wouldn’t eat both of them and figured my daughter and I could share them, making it a two-for-one kind of thing. We get home, I heat them up and could only manage to eat about 1/4 of one enchilada and my daughter, having not slept well the night before, fell asleep and didn’t eat the other one, so I ended up wasting an entire meal. In hindsight, I guess I could have wrapped up the left overs and had them today, but I didn’t. Later on, I made tacos for dinner and again my head was bigger than my stomach (literally) and I made myself two tacos. I don’t know what I was thinking, there was no way that I was going to eat one taco much less two and unfortunately this time, with the tortilla, beans and beef, I ended up eating just a little too much and getting a terrible case of hiccups (that’s my curse for eating too much or drinking too quickly). I feel this same refrain is a constant loop, playing on repeat, and I hope that sooner rather than later I learn my lesson. Everyday provides a new opportunity to combat my old habits, especially when it comes to fixing my plate in the evening, and I understand that it is going to take a few times to learn the new rules, to get into a new mindset where food is fuel and not comfort, some of it I feel I am doing very well with, yet there are other things, like allowing myself to get too hungry, I need to work on. The good thing is, I have time, I don’t need to have all the answers right now. I have a great support system, my husband and kids keep me honest and my friends are constant cheerleaders, sending regular messages of encouragement. I am very lucky to have all of you in my corner — thanks for giving me so much strength!